For five years I didn't know what my diagnosis was.  I felt I was dying.  I would isolate from my family and avoid social functions unless I had to.  And when I had to I would self medicate just to get me through it.   Then the depression came.  I was of no good to anyone.  I couldn't hold down a job because of the physical symptoms would keep me out of work.  I couldn't have fun with my family, I was contributing nothing to them or society.  I was doing nothing for God.   My mindset was that I was taking up precious air and water on this earth.

June 2011.  Beautiful bright Sunday morning.  Phillip had just left for church and reminded me to take my medicines (that WERE NOT working).  I don't know what made me do it, I guess I just knew I had had enough.  I heard a voice say just do it, and the next instant I swallowed 60 Elavil.  Since I'm obviously still here I will mention that I was told out of all the medicines I could have overdosed on, Elavil was the worse.  By God's grace he pulled me from death within 10 minutes.

It's hard revisiting these moments and I hate to stop blogging at this point of the story and will continue because to not do so would be to deny the Glory due to God.  But I will give you the ending, the disorder is still a work in progress and a daily battle, but with Jesus holding me in his mighty right hand, I know he is carrying me every step of the way.  Praise His Holy Name!!!